My "new" life

So you all know what im talking about. The moment our lifes change for better or for worse. This moment is engraved in all of our memories. The moment when we turn around and see our parents clinging to each other, crying. Or perhaps getting a second look at you mom as she goes in the cop car, while giving you a look that makes the welt on you back throb. If you look back and continue to think that you parents never did anything wrong, thats fine too. I was like that when first put into foster care three years ago. I hated every one and every thing. I didn't care about myself or others. Then i had a shocking thought. My sisters (the only constant in my life) was the source of our plumet to foster care. I began to hate them too. I would get aggravated at them and snap. I abandoned them when they needed me the most. I kept these awful thoughts to myself for quite some time. I would go to sleep at night thinking that if my parents never had them that i wouldn't be here. Surely i could take care of my self. Right? It would be alot easier to get myself dressed and fed and off to school then to do that with three kids. Then one night i woke up and heard my autistic sister cying. I got up and walked to her room. I then picked her up and felt anger swell though me. Why did i have to pick her up, why did I have to do this. I didnt chose to have her, however the most amazing thing happened, my foster parent walked into the room and took her from me and told me to go back to bed. At that time I didnt understand. I though she wanted me to set my bed up in there. However the foster parent was holding her and sining. That was the moment that i chould tell that this would help us, even if it destroyed us. I now realized that even if my sisters weren't born, that i still would probably be in this predicament. There was no way a twelve year old could fend for herself. I started to then think about my life as a foster without them. Who would be that constant? Who would be there after school to give me a hug? who would there be to love me, even when I didnt love them. who would I love? I know realized that i would do what ever it took to prefect them. And that was when the recoving began.

.