Learing to love again

Pain is like a drug often times and we get addicted to it. We come back for more. Weather its cutting, or piching bitting inside your cheack until it bleds its all the same. Pain hurts so why do we keep doing stuff that makes us hurt inside and out we love until our hearts blead we have the most empty hearts in the world yet that menas that there is all the more room to fill. I have been hurt over and over by people who I love and I countine to go back to them and get hurt again. I want a person to love me for who I am and not for who the want me to be. I want to be accabted for who i am and not have to worry about what others think of me, but how chould I expect this from someone when I dont even do it myself. It often gets bad and and I know that I have people who do care about me and are good for me but for some reason or another I tend to chose those who hurt me. like I said im not sure why. I am chaniging now and are getting better at protecting myself and decinding who to let in my life and who to kick out. I want to countine to grow and to protect myself and others. I want to help others realize that you are enough. You don't deserve to have others attack you espically when you already attack your self. But my question for you guys is this: What is love? Is it a feeling or a state of being? Is it present when you leave or does it leave as well. Does it change the way one thinks? Of course it does but the question over all of these is how could some just stop loving you? Is there always love or does it stay in the backset of his car? Does it come with you or does it stay in the walls of your high school. And which one is scarier? That it left or never will leave but to be honest both make me stay up at night one way or the other. Either thinking about what was or will be or is. Either way were screwed